So a mate of mine was telling me last night about a pal of his who went to a U2 gig recently, and in the middle of it Bono- or "some cunt wearing shades indoors" as my friend put it- starts clapping his hands, slowly, about one clap every second. "I just want you to know," he says, "that every time I clap my hands, a baby dies in Africa."

To which some wag in the audience shouts, "Well for fuck's sake, Bono, stop clapping!".